Prologue:
I was crying hysterically as I tried to load the clip into the 9mm
gun. I kept saying to myself, “I’m going to do this! I can do this
and I will!”. As I finally heard the clip snap into place, I brought it to
my forehead with a shaky hand. I was ready to leave this horrible
world behind and I placed my finger on the trigger..........
gun. I kept saying to myself, “I’m going to do this! I can do this
and I will!”. As I finally heard the clip snap into place, I brought it to
my forehead with a shaky hand. I was ready to leave this horrible
world behind and I placed my finger on the trigger..........
Chapter 1:
So during the week, I lived with my uncle and aunt. I would
just run through the motions, dreaming about the day I would be
free from my current life. To not have to deal with a drunk that was
as mean as a bull on crack, and a mouse that was too scared to
get out of the way would be the ultimate life. I honestly don’t know
how my mom could live like this, but I hated every minute of it.
When I would hear his car pull in the driveway I would race to
my bedroom, and Marie would hurry and put supper on the table.
She acted like a robot, doing the same thing every night. If she
didn’t have supper on the table and waiting, he would throw one of
his fits, acting like a child throwing things around, and sometimes
hitting Marie. I hated coming out into the fury that would be waiting
when she would call me down, reminding me to be silent. You
see? We weren’t allowed to eat until Uncle Kipp got home, and there
were many nights Marie would sneak me supper because he
was too busy at the bar, and too drunk, forgetting about supper let
alone coming home early enough so we could eat.
I could hear Uncle Kipp as he would come in screaming, “Is
supper ready yet woman? Tell that little brat to get down here and
eat!”, yelling loudly and slurring his words. As we sat at the dinner
table no one dared to say a word, because the rule was, you didn’t
speak until spoken to. When he was around, I just chose not to
speak at all unless I had to. As we sat in silence, or should I say
as Marie and I sat in silence as we all ate, Uncle Kipp would
complain about his work and the terrible day he had. Day after day
this is what we had to endure. Marie would agree with him and
pretend to sympathize, while I rolled my eyes thinking I’d like to
just throw my plate into his mouth to shut him up. When we were
finished eating I would help my aunt clear the table and do the
dishes. Every now and again Uncle Kipp would come into the
kitchen to inspect our work. If he thought there was a
spot on them, or he just wanted to be an ass, he would go into a
rage and smash the dish. Then he would smack me in the head
and tell me to do it right the next time. I really didn’t like my uncle
and could see why Marie was so intimidated by him. She didn’t
want to receive the slap I would get.
As you can probably figure out, intimidation makes one
fearful and quiet. Marie never said too much the entire time I lived
with them. She just did as she was told and never questioned it.
She was always helping me with my homework as long as Uncle
Kipp wasn’t in a mood about it. Sometimes he would yell at her
and tell her that there was no helping me. He was always telling
me how I’d never amount to anything and what a hoodlum I was. I
was a screw-up and just like my father. I was always worthless tohim. Regardless though, I can remember Marie telling me stories
when I was younger, especially bible stories, and always helping
me with my homework. She was a big advocate on education.
Uncle Kipp would come in and start yelling at us. “That little
whore! She doesn’t believe in Jesus. She hates Jesus. She’s
nothing but a sinner. Jesus hates sinners!” If she was helping me with my homework, it was, “Don’t bother helping her, she won’t do anything with an
education. She’s just like her father!”
I tried to tell him to shut up through my tears, but he would
just tell me he hated me and to go to bed. If Marie tried to say
anything, (because an education and the bible stuff was just
something you didn’t criticize), he would just start hitting her,
telling her to shut up and mind her business.
“If you would just mind your own business woman, I wouldn’t
have to do this to you!”
I would scream for him to leave her alone, but then he would
just started hitting me. “Go to bed you little whore. You’re
worthless! Go on, get out of here!”
I hated my uncle, as I‘m sure you would have too. You’re
probably wondering why I never told my mom about him hitting me
right? Well let me paint you a picture. My own mother grew up
with an alcoholic father, who also beat his wife and children.
Imagine my Uncle Kipp, only ten times worse. When you grow up
with something like that, first it’s hard to break the cycle of life, as
history always seems to repeat, second, it’s also hard to accept
that your child may be going through exactly what you went
through, and it just can’t be that bad. To ease your troubled
mind…..Yes. I told my mom. Her response was always the same,
especially since there was no place else for me to go, “I’m sure it’s not
that bad, just stay away from him and he won’t be able to act
out towards you.”
So I just quit telling her about it. No sense in beating a dead
horse.
just run through the motions, dreaming about the day I would be
free from my current life. To not have to deal with a drunk that was
as mean as a bull on crack, and a mouse that was too scared to
get out of the way would be the ultimate life. I honestly don’t know
how my mom could live like this, but I hated every minute of it.
When I would hear his car pull in the driveway I would race to
my bedroom, and Marie would hurry and put supper on the table.
She acted like a robot, doing the same thing every night. If she
didn’t have supper on the table and waiting, he would throw one of
his fits, acting like a child throwing things around, and sometimes
hitting Marie. I hated coming out into the fury that would be waiting
when she would call me down, reminding me to be silent. You
see? We weren’t allowed to eat until Uncle Kipp got home, and there
were many nights Marie would sneak me supper because he
was too busy at the bar, and too drunk, forgetting about supper let
alone coming home early enough so we could eat.
I could hear Uncle Kipp as he would come in screaming, “Is
supper ready yet woman? Tell that little brat to get down here and
eat!”, yelling loudly and slurring his words. As we sat at the dinner
table no one dared to say a word, because the rule was, you didn’t
speak until spoken to. When he was around, I just chose not to
speak at all unless I had to. As we sat in silence, or should I say
as Marie and I sat in silence as we all ate, Uncle Kipp would
complain about his work and the terrible day he had. Day after day
this is what we had to endure. Marie would agree with him and
pretend to sympathize, while I rolled my eyes thinking I’d like to
just throw my plate into his mouth to shut him up. When we were
finished eating I would help my aunt clear the table and do the
dishes. Every now and again Uncle Kipp would come into the
kitchen to inspect our work. If he thought there was a
spot on them, or he just wanted to be an ass, he would go into a
rage and smash the dish. Then he would smack me in the head
and tell me to do it right the next time. I really didn’t like my uncle
and could see why Marie was so intimidated by him. She didn’t
want to receive the slap I would get.
As you can probably figure out, intimidation makes one
fearful and quiet. Marie never said too much the entire time I lived
with them. She just did as she was told and never questioned it.
She was always helping me with my homework as long as Uncle
Kipp wasn’t in a mood about it. Sometimes he would yell at her
and tell her that there was no helping me. He was always telling
me how I’d never amount to anything and what a hoodlum I was. I
was a screw-up and just like my father. I was always worthless tohim. Regardless though, I can remember Marie telling me stories
when I was younger, especially bible stories, and always helping
me with my homework. She was a big advocate on education.
Uncle Kipp would come in and start yelling at us. “That little
whore! She doesn’t believe in Jesus. She hates Jesus. She’s
nothing but a sinner. Jesus hates sinners!” If she was helping me with my homework, it was, “Don’t bother helping her, she won’t do anything with an
education. She’s just like her father!”
I tried to tell him to shut up through my tears, but he would
just tell me he hated me and to go to bed. If Marie tried to say
anything, (because an education and the bible stuff was just
something you didn’t criticize), he would just start hitting her,
telling her to shut up and mind her business.
“If you would just mind your own business woman, I wouldn’t
have to do this to you!”
I would scream for him to leave her alone, but then he would
just started hitting me. “Go to bed you little whore. You’re
worthless! Go on, get out of here!”
I hated my uncle, as I‘m sure you would have too. You’re
probably wondering why I never told my mom about him hitting me
right? Well let me paint you a picture. My own mother grew up
with an alcoholic father, who also beat his wife and children.
Imagine my Uncle Kipp, only ten times worse. When you grow up
with something like that, first it’s hard to break the cycle of life, as
history always seems to repeat, second, it’s also hard to accept
that your child may be going through exactly what you went
through, and it just can’t be that bad. To ease your troubled
mind…..Yes. I told my mom. Her response was always the same,
especially since there was no place else for me to go, “I’m sure it’s not
that bad, just stay away from him and he won’t be able to act
out towards you.”
So I just quit telling her about it. No sense in beating a dead
horse.
Chapter 2:
I had lost track of time and Bryan. It had to have been over
an hour when Bryan came over again. “How are you feeling?”
”I’m great. Thanks.”
“Do you want to go for a walk?”
“Um...Sure.”
He grabbed my hand and locked our fingers together, leading
me into the woods that were behind Jenny’s house. His hand was
so warm in mine, and sent my heart racing like I had been running
a marathon. As we got further down the line of trees, there were
paths in several directions. The woods ran one full acre behind her house
and bordered an orchard of a nearby farmer. It seemed like we were walking
for hours and I kept seeing these florescent balls floating around. Hot pink,
lime green, purple, blue and yellow floating in front of me. I tried to grab
them, or at least just touch them, but each time I tried they were
always just out of my reach. “Do you see those balls? They are so
pretty.”
Bryan just laughed, “Let’s sit right here.” He sat, pulling me
towards the ground with him.
We stopped just off one of the paths where the moon shone
through the treetops. “Okay”, I said. We sat in silence for a minute
just watching the moon and stars. It was full tonight and the way
the trees formed shadows from it made the night seem almost
magical. I always loved a full moon. Just the way different
shadows form, how the trees are so dark yet you can still tell it’s a
tree. A lot of people are afraid of the dark, but me? I’m very fond
of the dark.
“So do you have a boyfriend Kacey?” Bryan broke the silence.
“Pardon me?” I wasn’t quite ready for conversation just yet. I
wished I could get a hold of one of these dang balls floating in front
of my face. I dropped my head looking at the ground thinking
eww...What kind of response was that Kacey? I could feel myself
begin to blush with embarrassment while I tried to think fast of
another answer.
“Oh..No I can’t say that I do.” Like that was much better. Idiot
Kacey. I didn’t want to look at him. The most gorgeous guy on the
face of the planet, here with me, talking to me, and I can’t even
carry on a decent conversation. I felt his gentle touch on my face
which brought me to look up. He brushed my cheek with the back
of his fingers.
“You seem deep in thought Kacey. Are you okay?”
I felt myself shutter.
“Are you cold?”
“Um no. Not really.”
“You know Kacey. In your own way you really are a beautiful
girl.”
I smiled half a smile. I wasn’t sure how to take that comment,
but I could feel my heart beating. How it increased its speed with
the warmth of his every touch. His hands were so strong and yet
so gentle. I was so nervous.
With my face between his hands, he leaned into me and
softly brushed his lips across mine. My heart was racing. My
breath hitched. My mind started to fog over. He kissed my lips
again and I felt the warmth of his breath. The kiss was longer this
time. His lips were so soft against mine. He slowly made a trail
moving gently from my lips to my jaw-line. Slowly down my neck. I
could feel the goose pimples raise on my skin with each kiss on my
neck. His hand slid from my neck to my chest. My mind was
spinning. I couldn’t think. I needed a minute to think.
“I don’t think Jenny will be to happy with me. She’s probably
looking for me.” It came out in hitched breaths. I wasn’t even sure
it was my own voice.
“Oh, don’t worry about Jenny. We will be back soon enough.”
Then he started taking my shirt off.
My first time was nothing like this. Sebastian had no
smoothness, no softness to his touch. Sebastian was just a hasty
teen, a boy, that didn’t have a clue as to what he was doing, but
this…. Bryan slid my shirt up over my arms. My breathing
quickened and a shiver ran down my spine. He slowly ran the back
of his hand along the side of my breast. This time I wanted to betouched.
I could feel the heat from my core and the wetness from
my very being. I didn’t even realize when we removed all of our
clothing. I started to explore his body. I could tell his body was
tanned even in the moonlight. The muscles were even more
defined with his shirt off. His touch was so soft. He was beautiful. I
let myself be taken away. It was nothing I ever thought I would even
experience as his busy hands continually sent surges through my
body.
I felt his fingers slide into my wetness. He continued to kiss
me as he slid his fingers in and out of me. It went on for what
seemed like hours, and then as he hovered over top of me for a
moment, I felt his fullness enter my core. He filled me completely,
sliding in and out with ease. It seemed as though we fit together
perfectly, like a hand and glove. I always wanted to remember this
moment. Those damn balls are going to keep getting in the way
though. I closed my eyes and tried to forget the floating balls, and
concentrate on the action at hand. I couldn’t believe how right this
felt. When we were done all I could manage was a “Wow.”
“Thank you. You had better get dressed. We should get back
to the party before Jenny puts a 911 call out on you.”, Bryan said
as he pulled on his shirt.
I was feeling wonderful. I didn’t want this feeling to go away,
ever. We got back to the party and Jenny came racing up to me.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. We were just talking.” I couldn’t stop smiling, and I
wasn‘t quite ready to share with Jenny just yet.
an hour when Bryan came over again. “How are you feeling?”
”I’m great. Thanks.”
“Do you want to go for a walk?”
“Um...Sure.”
He grabbed my hand and locked our fingers together, leading
me into the woods that were behind Jenny’s house. His hand was
so warm in mine, and sent my heart racing like I had been running
a marathon. As we got further down the line of trees, there were
paths in several directions. The woods ran one full acre behind her house
and bordered an orchard of a nearby farmer. It seemed like we were walking
for hours and I kept seeing these florescent balls floating around. Hot pink,
lime green, purple, blue and yellow floating in front of me. I tried to grab
them, or at least just touch them, but each time I tried they were
always just out of my reach. “Do you see those balls? They are so
pretty.”
Bryan just laughed, “Let’s sit right here.” He sat, pulling me
towards the ground with him.
We stopped just off one of the paths where the moon shone
through the treetops. “Okay”, I said. We sat in silence for a minute
just watching the moon and stars. It was full tonight and the way
the trees formed shadows from it made the night seem almost
magical. I always loved a full moon. Just the way different
shadows form, how the trees are so dark yet you can still tell it’s a
tree. A lot of people are afraid of the dark, but me? I’m very fond
of the dark.
“So do you have a boyfriend Kacey?” Bryan broke the silence.
“Pardon me?” I wasn’t quite ready for conversation just yet. I
wished I could get a hold of one of these dang balls floating in front
of my face. I dropped my head looking at the ground thinking
eww...What kind of response was that Kacey? I could feel myself
begin to blush with embarrassment while I tried to think fast of
another answer.
“Oh..No I can’t say that I do.” Like that was much better. Idiot
Kacey. I didn’t want to look at him. The most gorgeous guy on the
face of the planet, here with me, talking to me, and I can’t even
carry on a decent conversation. I felt his gentle touch on my face
which brought me to look up. He brushed my cheek with the back
of his fingers.
“You seem deep in thought Kacey. Are you okay?”
I felt myself shutter.
“Are you cold?”
“Um no. Not really.”
“You know Kacey. In your own way you really are a beautiful
girl.”
I smiled half a smile. I wasn’t sure how to take that comment,
but I could feel my heart beating. How it increased its speed with
the warmth of his every touch. His hands were so strong and yet
so gentle. I was so nervous.
With my face between his hands, he leaned into me and
softly brushed his lips across mine. My heart was racing. My
breath hitched. My mind started to fog over. He kissed my lips
again and I felt the warmth of his breath. The kiss was longer this
time. His lips were so soft against mine. He slowly made a trail
moving gently from my lips to my jaw-line. Slowly down my neck. I
could feel the goose pimples raise on my skin with each kiss on my
neck. His hand slid from my neck to my chest. My mind was
spinning. I couldn’t think. I needed a minute to think.
“I don’t think Jenny will be to happy with me. She’s probably
looking for me.” It came out in hitched breaths. I wasn’t even sure
it was my own voice.
“Oh, don’t worry about Jenny. We will be back soon enough.”
Then he started taking my shirt off.
My first time was nothing like this. Sebastian had no
smoothness, no softness to his touch. Sebastian was just a hasty
teen, a boy, that didn’t have a clue as to what he was doing, but
this…. Bryan slid my shirt up over my arms. My breathing
quickened and a shiver ran down my spine. He slowly ran the back
of his hand along the side of my breast. This time I wanted to betouched.
I could feel the heat from my core and the wetness from
my very being. I didn’t even realize when we removed all of our
clothing. I started to explore his body. I could tell his body was
tanned even in the moonlight. The muscles were even more
defined with his shirt off. His touch was so soft. He was beautiful. I
let myself be taken away. It was nothing I ever thought I would even
experience as his busy hands continually sent surges through my
body.
I felt his fingers slide into my wetness. He continued to kiss
me as he slid his fingers in and out of me. It went on for what
seemed like hours, and then as he hovered over top of me for a
moment, I felt his fullness enter my core. He filled me completely,
sliding in and out with ease. It seemed as though we fit together
perfectly, like a hand and glove. I always wanted to remember this
moment. Those damn balls are going to keep getting in the way
though. I closed my eyes and tried to forget the floating balls, and
concentrate on the action at hand. I couldn’t believe how right this
felt. When we were done all I could manage was a “Wow.”
“Thank you. You had better get dressed. We should get back
to the party before Jenny puts a 911 call out on you.”, Bryan said
as he pulled on his shirt.
I was feeling wonderful. I didn’t want this feeling to go away,
ever. We got back to the party and Jenny came racing up to me.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. We were just talking.” I couldn’t stop smiling, and I
wasn‘t quite ready to share with Jenny just yet.
